Thank You Notes

The battle to finish the Thank You notes has almost been won. And what a battle it has been – from finding note cards that are suitable and didn’t cost big $$$, to the ever present question of “who is this person? Do you know –insert unknown person here-?” to the simple fact that neither of us actually wanted to write them, the battle has be long and hard.


Perhaps I am just another example of a thankless, thoughtless generation but I find it hard to understand the need for a thank you note. We thanked everyone that came at the wedding, we fed them, played music for them, put on a show and gave them a token to remember the event – honestly they should be thanking us! Instead my new husband and I are expected (by at least the, ahem, older people that came) to argue over what to say, what cards to use, and who writes whose card for hours on end, all so some old lad- I mean someone, can read a short card (with probably the same thing written on it that we wrote to 20 other people we really don’t know) and say, “Well, isn’t that nice!”

In today’s day and age, people who are of my generation don’t seem to expect any sort of formal thanks. When I asked for addresses from people they all responded with “Oh, I don’t need a thank you!” – has the Thank You note lost its place as a cultural norm? Does anyone under the age of 60 really expect a thank you note from people? Anyone under the age of 30?

I probably sound a wee bit whiney. And maybe I am. I really don’t mind writing a thank you note to people I actually know in more than passing. I can be myself in those notes and it feels more personal. It’s really difficult to write a note to someone I haven’t seen since I was six or someone who’s a friend of a friend’s mom. In my notes I like to include something that implies I at least know the person, and when I don’t – well, I feel like a fake.

In the card and gift we got for the couple who recently got married we included a note that said ‘Please do not worry about a thank you.” And most likely, we will do that to all the cards and gifts we give at weddings (and GRADUATIONS, omg, flashbacks to that horror) because we know what a trial it can be and that they will have a hundred other notes to worry about.

Inevitably someone will be forgotten during the thank you marathon, and of course it will be one of the few who will be deeply offended by not getting one. Ah, well. Most likely it will be one of those people we both have to ask the other, “Do you know them?” “No.” “Well, then why bother worrying about it.”